Things don't always go the way you intend it to.
I sit here and reminisce the day I first met you and it puts me into a state of despair; so accepting and compassionate, always encouraging; You always knew what to say. You've accepted my mother and I at once without complaints or any rejections. One glance, no one would ever know that we're not blood related. When I first saw you laying there, I didn't know what to say. I wanted to show you that I was strong and I tried my absolute hardest to hold my tears in, but just watching how hard it was for you to breathe, I couldn't hold it in any longer. Just watching you, I couldn't breathe anymore either, every word that tried to come out of my lips, I'd choke on, and swallowed it back down. I know I shouldn't have, but yes, I have honestly doubted God. I've cursed at him, blamed him for being cynical, I really shouldn't have but watching you suffer so much, I didn't have any other choice. The way your body swelled up, the way your words stumbled, the way your hands shook, the way the needles were put into your veins, I insisted that there was no such spirit as God. But now, I've realized that things do happen for a reason. I honestly don't know what the reason for your pain is and I do want to ask God what this reason is. I don't know if I can handle watching you in so much pain for much longer. Maybe this is just my selfishness, I'd rather have Him take you to Heaven, so you can rest in peace and so that you can escape this agony you're in. I know I havent been very filial. Many times I put unimportant priorities in front of you.I've never told anyone, but I'm really scared to let go because I know that when I do, I'll never be able to see you again except for in my memories. Because of my lack of expressing myself, I've never been able to tell you, but I really do love you, I am really sorry, I really don't want you to go. I really don't. =(
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Top 10
Hmmmm after Lucy's Top 10 list, I guess I'll make one too =)
Find yourselves =)
1. You are my absolute other half. I owe you my life. My sister basically =) Seriously, I really have no idea where the hell I would be without you. Although at times your sarcastic-ness makes me go argh, I still love you & I wanna thank you for going through everything with me and being there for me all the time (hmm... minus the time I got baptized! jk =]) Thanks to you, my lonlieness is gone. (= I might be pregnant with Blake's baby. HAHAHAAHHA! OMFG remember "WE'RE DONE! BABY!.... GONE! and no... I'm not a freak..." LOL and I wanna congratulate you once again<3 (= I love you so much! bffaeaeaeae! -Your bffl.
2. Q & A. End of story. =) First met in 7th grade HAHAHA "that weird girl who asks people if shes fat" HAHAHAHAHAH dude I was so cute. But anyways I wanna thank you as well for you listen and take in all my crap! Actually I listened to a lot of your boy crap too hehe but I really enjoyed it so yeah! You help me whenever I need help whether if its life or hw. Hahaa love ya and JJB! =) We've DEFINITELY had our ups and downs, and I'm very sorry for throwing pebbles at you! And OMFG the second the doors to Mrs. Perround's class closed HAHAHA a whole different world. I think that was like what triggered us to be where we are today. Thank God it happened! And our tininkling with Ian Shin! (= Hehe Love Ya! -Q? A? , the other she-wolf.
3. My everything, I should've put you as my #6 since you know... I'm only 6th to you. Just keeeding, I still love you. Like you said, I really have no idea how you became my everything and how I became your everything, but in conclusion we're each others everything, although you are a TOTAL douchebag to me at times. And never respond to any of my texts or calls. You've ditched me for all your other best friends, so I left you for Blake<3 (HE HAS LEGS!) But I was really playing hard to get =( so please... come back to me! ;) HOLLYWOOD TIME! -Your everything.
4. My only friend. NOT! I have many many friends. Sigh, everytime I'm having the time of my life, you're having the effing worst day of your life and everytime I'm having the crappiest day, you seem to be having the best days, like today. HAHAHA. You always do thing I tell you not to. & I tell you you're gonna regret it after and HEY! YOU END UP REGRETTING IT RIGHT FREAKING AFTER! Sigh, but yeah I'd have to say you're one of my closest friends... when I'm sad, you try to make me laugh, although it doesnt always work out HAHA! jk. You're the funniest person I've ever met in my life (I need your video camera)! =) Honestly, I make you laugh. I know. Btw, thanks for buying me food all the time<3! HAHAH and to make your day: 8=====D (V), China= 4inches HAHAHAHA- your only friend....
5. Reject. =) After three years of rejecting you, today I get the call "wanna go to winter formal with me?" HAHAHA BUT TOO BAD I REJECTED YOU! and I have really really long legs and arms =) So I remember first meeting you @ King's when it was called Hangook Hagwon in 5th grade! And holy crap you were sooo tall, the cute little 5th grader me: "What grade are you in?" You: "I'm in seventh!" Because I was so gullible, innocent, and cute I actually believed you for a whole year since we were in different classes -_- HAHA. & yeah, I'm sorry about telling people that you were my boyfriend<3 HAHAHAA (= but hey, you're like sending me hearts now so yay! bin (12:07:01 AM): <3! Feel lucky to be on my Top 10 list! (= -ex-gf.
6. UGLY. You're ugly. I'm pretty. "C" is not YOUR BOYFRIEND! SNAP OUT OF IT! Cyberzone freaks. I dont even know where to start... but at times you annoy me, just a little tiny bit, but I still love you! =) Whenever we hang out, although it's not that much, it's so funny! Like the time when we went to Albertson's HAHAHA and the ambulance truck. OMG gg our lives! Even though we're in math and ASB together, we barely even talk -_- At times, I feel like you're not straight.... Your hugs... blame that! Hehe but I'll still be nice enough to accept you as my friend! - Odeng/ Kimbahp?
7. My other only friend. HAHA seriously, you're like the one friend other than the two other friends I have in this world LOL that I can tell everything to and I know it'd be safe with you HAHA. You basically know all my friends even though you've never even met them, I'd be like oh I hung out with blahblah today. Oh the one with that hair, that tall, that race, blah blah ROFL. Yes, I honestly am very sorry flaking on you so much! But the one time I actually tried to hang out with you, YOU FLAKED ON ME! The time we both lied to each other who we liked HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA GG. and your "bad boy conspiracy" Seriously, you freaking crack me up! I just wanna thank you for listening to me. And actually, you're like seriously the one person that literally takes in ALL my crap and for trying to cheer me up on my crappy days and taking in my bipolarity! & sorry for never texting back! BTW! I'M NOT A CREEPER! HE'S JUST SO MUSHEESUH.... so it kinda stuck to my head HAHAHA and blind date= effing fail! - Friendless ;)
8. PhattyTwin. HAHAHAHA RICHARD YI <- effing devil. -_- First met you in 6th grade cause of some fatass fag LOLOL. And then you moved to BoringTown and being the nice person that I am, I let you become my friend. =) Your first friend in Valencia! We definitely had our UPs and DOWNs. Our yellow cab days. Swimming and bowling and etc etc. Goood times man, good times. You always have the best advice for me. And you're just so effing hilarious! - Phattyy Twin
9. Husband. JUST GROW 2 INCHES! 5' 8" AND THAT'S IT, BABY! HAHAHAHA Honestly, you're a sucky husband. You ALWAYS effing cheat on me! Always talking and flirting with other girls and especially younger girls! (= I still remember meeting you in 7th grade? 8th grade? Retreat bus =) Me and Jackie sat behind you guys and we just started talking and look where we are today! Sigh I owe you Pho =( 'cause of stupid Noah but you still owe me yogurt! =) So it's okay! Thinking of it, we definitely haven't hung out very much... Mainly because you're too busy for me all the time. But our CCC date<3 and that psycho movie that you wanted to watch and made us regret watching it! I feel so bad for the other people who watched it with us... Freaking we were talking sooo loud. Remember when you took my brother to the bathroom? LOL, i just remembered that. Anyways, don't forget about Spring Fling or w/e =) ILY!- Wifey!
10. Partypartner. First of all, I miss you so freaking freaking freaking much. Sigh, you're halfway across the country =( =( Your break was seriously WAY too short. I miss the times when you lived like 10 minutes away and we did everything together =( You're always there to listen to me and YAY! I'M A PART OF YOUR FAV 5 OR W/E ON YOUR PHONE HAHAHAA well your old phone cause you changed to iPhone now. You first taught me how to drive. Circular driving at the park! And how I almost crashed into the other car omg LOL. We seriously did so much together! I somehow convinced you to drive somewhere I remember but I dont rememebr exactly what it was, but we probably had fun<3! We snuck out so much; eating MickeyD's at Taco Bell, Santa Monica! No offense, but the guys you think are hot... -___- OMG, weird nose, jerk, Knocked Up Fat College Kid, Gay guys HAHAHAHA but I still love you. Who can say we're just family, effing BFF status! I love youuuu! Hurry and come back! -Cousin!
Find yourselves =)
1. You are my absolute other half. I owe you my life. My sister basically =) Seriously, I really have no idea where the hell I would be without you. Although at times your sarcastic-ness makes me go argh, I still love you & I wanna thank you for going through everything with me and being there for me all the time (hmm... minus the time I got baptized! jk =]) Thanks to you, my lonlieness is gone. (= I might be pregnant with Blake's baby. HAHAHAAHHA! OMFG remember "WE'RE DONE! BABY!.... GONE! and no... I'm not a freak..." LOL and I wanna congratulate you once again<3 (= I love you so much! bffaeaeaeae! -Your bffl.
2. Q & A. End of story. =) First met in 7th grade HAHAHA "that weird girl who asks people if shes fat" HAHAHAHAHAH dude I was so cute. But anyways I wanna thank you as well for you listen and take in all my crap! Actually I listened to a lot of your boy crap too hehe but I really enjoyed it so yeah! You help me whenever I need help whether if its life or hw. Hahaa love ya and JJB! =) We've DEFINITELY had our ups and downs, and I'm very sorry for throwing pebbles at you! And OMFG the second the doors to Mrs. Perround's class closed HAHAHA a whole different world. I think that was like what triggered us to be where we are today. Thank God it happened! And our tininkling with Ian Shin! (= Hehe Love Ya! -Q? A? , the other she-wolf.
3. My everything, I should've put you as my #6 since you know... I'm only 6th to you. Just keeeding, I still love you. Like you said, I really have no idea how you became my everything and how I became your everything, but in conclusion we're each others everything, although you are a TOTAL douchebag to me at times. And never respond to any of my texts or calls. You've ditched me for all your other best friends, so I left you for Blake<3 (HE HAS LEGS!) But I was really playing hard to get =( so please... come back to me! ;) HOLLYWOOD TIME! -Your everything.
4. My only friend. NOT! I have many many friends. Sigh, everytime I'm having the time of my life, you're having the effing worst day of your life and everytime I'm having the crappiest day, you seem to be having the best days, like today. HAHAHA. You always do thing I tell you not to. & I tell you you're gonna regret it after and HEY! YOU END UP REGRETTING IT RIGHT FREAKING AFTER! Sigh, but yeah I'd have to say you're one of my closest friends... when I'm sad, you try to make me laugh, although it doesnt always work out HAHA! jk. You're the funniest person I've ever met in my life (I need your video camera)! =) Honestly, I make you laugh. I know. Btw, thanks for buying me food all the time<3! HAHAH and to make your day: 8=====D (V), China= 4inches HAHAHAHA- your only friend....
5. Reject. =) After three years of rejecting you, today I get the call "wanna go to winter formal with me?" HAHAHA BUT TOO BAD I REJECTED YOU! and I have really really long legs and arms =) So I remember first meeting you @ King's when it was called Hangook Hagwon in 5th grade! And holy crap you were sooo tall, the cute little 5th grader me: "What grade are you in?" You: "I'm in seventh!" Because I was so gullible, innocent, and cute I actually believed you for a whole year since we were in different classes -_- HAHA. & yeah, I'm sorry about telling people that you were my boyfriend<3 HAHAHAA (= but hey, you're like sending me hearts now so yay! bin (12:07:01 AM): <3! Feel lucky to be on my Top 10 list! (= -ex-gf.
6. UGLY. You're ugly. I'm pretty. "C" is not YOUR BOYFRIEND! SNAP OUT OF IT! Cyberzone freaks. I dont even know where to start... but at times you annoy me, just a little tiny bit, but I still love you! =) Whenever we hang out, although it's not that much, it's so funny! Like the time when we went to Albertson's HAHAHA and the ambulance truck. OMG gg our lives! Even though we're in math and ASB together, we barely even talk -_- At times, I feel like you're not straight.... Your hugs... blame that! Hehe but I'll still be nice enough to accept you as my friend! - Odeng/ Kimbahp?
7. My other only friend. HAHA seriously, you're like the one friend other than the two other friends I have in this world LOL that I can tell everything to and I know it'd be safe with you HAHA. You basically know all my friends even though you've never even met them, I'd be like oh I hung out with blahblah today. Oh the one with that hair, that tall, that race, blah blah ROFL. Yes, I honestly am very sorry flaking on you so much! But the one time I actually tried to hang out with you, YOU FLAKED ON ME! The time we both lied to each other who we liked HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA GG. and your "bad boy conspiracy" Seriously, you freaking crack me up! I just wanna thank you for listening to me. And actually, you're like seriously the one person that literally takes in ALL my crap and for trying to cheer me up on my crappy days and taking in my bipolarity! & sorry for never texting back! BTW! I'M NOT A CREEPER! HE'S JUST SO MUSHEESUH.... so it kinda stuck to my head HAHAHA and blind date= effing fail! - Friendless ;)
8. PhattyTwin. HAHAHAHA RICHARD YI <- effing devil. -_- First met you in 6th grade cause of some fatass fag LOLOL. And then you moved to BoringTown and being the nice person that I am, I let you become my friend. =) Your first friend in Valencia! We definitely had our UPs and DOWNs. Our yellow cab days. Swimming and bowling and etc etc. Goood times man, good times. You always have the best advice for me. And you're just so effing hilarious! - Phattyy Twin
9. Husband. JUST GROW 2 INCHES! 5' 8" AND THAT'S IT, BABY! HAHAHAHA Honestly, you're a sucky husband. You ALWAYS effing cheat on me! Always talking and flirting with other girls and especially younger girls! (= I still remember meeting you in 7th grade? 8th grade? Retreat bus =) Me and Jackie sat behind you guys and we just started talking and look where we are today! Sigh I owe you Pho =( 'cause of stupid Noah but you still owe me yogurt! =) So it's okay! Thinking of it, we definitely haven't hung out very much... Mainly because you're too busy for me all the time. But our CCC date<3 and that psycho movie that you wanted to watch and made us regret watching it! I feel so bad for the other people who watched it with us... Freaking we were talking sooo loud. Remember when you took my brother to the bathroom? LOL, i just remembered that. Anyways, don't forget about Spring Fling or w/e =) ILY!- Wifey!
10. Partypartner. First of all, I miss you so freaking freaking freaking much. Sigh, you're halfway across the country =( =( Your break was seriously WAY too short. I miss the times when you lived like 10 minutes away and we did everything together =( You're always there to listen to me and YAY! I'M A PART OF YOUR FAV 5 OR W/E ON YOUR PHONE HAHAHAA well your old phone cause you changed to iPhone now. You first taught me how to drive. Circular driving at the park! And how I almost crashed into the other car omg LOL. We seriously did so much together! I somehow convinced you to drive somewhere I remember but I dont rememebr exactly what it was, but we probably had fun<3! We snuck out so much; eating MickeyD's at Taco Bell, Santa Monica! No offense, but the guys you think are hot... -___- OMG, weird nose, jerk, Knocked Up Fat College Kid, Gay guys HAHAHAHA but I still love you. Who can say we're just family, effing BFF status! I love youuuu! Hurry and come back! -Cousin!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
